Tips To Help With Self Esteem

Your self-esteem is how you feel and think about yourself. Self-esteem is mostly developed during our childhood and affected by how we were treated during our successes and failures.

When we suffer from low self-esteem it affects our lives in many ways: we can develop anxiety issues, problems in friendships and relationships, damage our job performance and can lead to serious underachievement because we lack the inner strength to believe in ourselves.

One of the most important ways we can help ourselves to improve our self-esteem is to dispute any and all of our negative thoughts. This can be done either on a per situation basis or, simply when anything negative enters our mind. When you recognize that you're thinking negatively, immediately change the course of the thought to a more positive direction.

For instance, let's say you haven't done as well on some project you've been working on. You find yourself going over it and saying things in the realm of: 'What an idiot, how did I miss that?' or 'Why do I even bother?' or 'Stupid, I must be one of the most stupid people I know for messing that up?" Those are just a few of the thoughts that could be running through your mind at a time like this, but I think you can get a picture.

As soon as you recognize that a thought is self-punishing or negative, stop. Just stop. After you've stopped the thought, now think about the thought itself and what is the opposite of it. Look for the good things that came out of the experience: 'What did I learn?', or 'I'm getting better.' or 'I'm proud of myself for how hard I worked.'

It's okay to analyze how you could have done better on something or in some aspect; however, beating yourself up will only serve to have the same result or no result happen over and over again.

Perhaps the most difficult part is recognizing the negative thought and then reinforcing ourselves with a positive. With time and practice this becomes easier and eventually will become part of our second nature. Just don't give up, keep working at it until it becomes old hat and you'll surely see improvements in your life.

Another way we can go about improving our self-esteem is to ask the help of friends and loved ones. Ask them to tell you how they feel about you or ask them how they think you'll do on a particular project or in a particular subject. In fact, whatever you are feeling negative about, ask them about it.

You'll be surprised how positively people think about you and your abilities.
In addition to that, let your friends and family know how you feel about them as well. Since we're working on building our own self-esteem, we might as well help those we care about too.

And, a final and an extremely important way we can help our self-esteem, ask for and give plenty of hugs. There is something extremely empowering about a good hug.
Now, get out there and get busy creating a better more Happy Self.

About the Author
Matt is the operator of the website: A Happy Self http://www.ahappyself.com/

Being happy seems to elude some people - we've all got at least one family member who always seems to be grousing about one thing or another. As soon as I saw the title of this article I knew I had to say my peace.

There is simply no way for another person to "make" you happy. We've all noticed that there is usually someone around us that we are all amazed that they have a positive slant on everything. Not the "Mary Sunshine" sickeningly sweet kind of outlook, but a genuinely positive way of looking at whatever situation is thrown in their path. These people usually make us sit up and take a few notes as to how we should try and survive our days.

A friend of mine has been going through what most people would consider a horrendous patch of bad luck: turned 50, lost her job, broke her foot and found out she had breast cancer, oh and her 83-year old father had to have a pace-maker and she's the only one who watches over him. Her sister seems to always be "missing-in-action". Yet when talking to her, she's always upbeat and asking how you are doing!

On the flip side of the proverbial coin, there's always the person who everyone sees coming and we all try to dodge before they bring down our time on earth. In our clan, it's a particular member who truly doesn't have a clue that they have alienated just about anyone who has either blood or marital ties to her. She's the kind who tells her pregnant grand-daughter that she not only needs to watch what she eats so "she doesn't get any fatter" now, but that she needs to really start losing weight. Then adds that her husband has put on a lot "more" weight as well. After this insult and knowing the couple had been out of work for almost four months and were barely hanging on financially, proceeded to complain about how much they spent on her birthday card and questioned why she never received her present!

I certainly try to stay on the positive side of whatever adversity is thrown at me. Four months ago when I had a slight "mishap" and broke my foot, I could have slid into a "poor me" state. I had to use a walker/wheelchair for six weeks and have been in a full "boot" ever since. Instead of being a "downer" to my husband (who had to become Mr. Mom and my personal chauffeur), I chose to have a bright pink cast and laugh at the entire event. I sat at my kitchen chair and helped prepare whatever part of every meal I could from a sitting position. When my boss at the "day job" heard, she wanted to know if I'd like to take time off. I said "what good would I be at home, at least here I can be of use!".

Happiness is not a present that can be wrapped in a box with a pretty bow and handed to you. You can't get in on sale at the mall or discounted with a coupon with free shipping and handling off amazon.com. If you want to be happy-you must plant a seed deep down within your soul and nourish it so that it grows into a smile.

Carine Nadel decided that writing is one of her "seeds" of happiness and loves to watch her articles and thoughts grow. To read more of her work, log onto: http://www.Carine-whatscooking.blogspot.com or http://www.fabulously40.com

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10 Tips to Improve Your Self Esteem

By Peter Dobler

Striving to improve our self esteem is on everybody’s mind. It doesn’t matter if you actively pursue this goal or you subconsciously working on improving your self esteem.

The problem with this is that you really don’t know exactly what you want to improve. You’re acting intuitively on external signals.

Do you know how to improve your self esteem? Probably not. To make it a little bit easier for you and to achieve your goals quicker I put together 10 tips that you can utilize right away.

1. Build up your self-esteem. You must take an inventory. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others? Try to make only one change at a time. Always check you progress before making another change.

2. Celebrate your journey, not your destination. Learn to always feel good about where you are now, and to exude self-confidence about anywhere you might find yourself tomorrow.

3. Set clear goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly. Apply this regularly and you will notice a difference.

4. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you. Proactive people tent to be more successful in their career.

5. Treat each person you meet as if she or he is truly important. (You'll be amazed how this works.)

6. Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.

7. Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person's name. If in doubt simply ask for the name again 2 or 3 sentences into the conversation.

8. Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name. Apply all you listening skills to visibly respond. The body language is the most important part of a conversation. Practice, practice, practice…

9. Pay more attention to the other person than to yourself. Are you responding to what may be going on in his or her life? Don't filter out bad news. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Be caring.

10. Stay "in the moment." Don't mentally cut off the other person. Don't reload while he or she is speaking. What this means is that you need to focus on the other person 100% during a conversation. Anything less is considered rude.

Next time you meet somebody new look out for these behaviors. Put a mental checkmark on the each of the 10 tips and see how well this person scored. Chances are that the person scored very high if you tent to like her/him. On the contraire the person probably scored low if you don’t seem to connect.

The more you practice the more likely you will create a positive aura which is commonly known as charisma. To step up to become a charismatic personality it takes more than just these 10 tips.

Creating a positive aura will benefit you in every thing you do. You will create a warmer ambience with your family. You will be more successful in your career. Even while trying to meet a partner of the opposite sex you will notice a difference on how people perceive you.

Unfortunately a small article can’t do justice on the wide spectrum of creating a positive aura and developing a charismatic personality. You will get the complete picture and step by step explanations in Race Kale’s new book “The Power of Charisma”.

Peter Dobler is an active real estate investor and a successful home business entrepreneur. Learn how to become a charismatic personality in this new book. http://www.powerofcharismabook.com/
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