8 Keys to Discovering happiness In Your Life

Christmas is here and yet another year has almost slipped by.
Has it been a good one for you?

Have you achieved any personal goals?

Did you really stick to those new year resolutions?

Are you content and truly happy about yourself and how your year went?

Did you take action to resolve any problem issues?

Thinking back, could you have avoided any stress related situations?

The list of questions is endless and the answers will vary along with our personal differences. One thing though is certain, happiness is a way of life not just an occasional fleeting moment in time!

Below is an excellent article offering 8 keys to dicovering happiness in your life.





In working with thousands of people over the past twenty years as a psychotherapist and NLP Practitioner, I have noticed that there are certain key qualities that exist in the lives of those who are "happy" and who seem "vibrant" about life. These qualities are;

1. They Refuse to Live Up to the Label of being a Victim

Happy people have experienced being used, hurt, mistreated or abused. However, instead of attending little self help groups with others who have had similar experiences and reviewing the pain of over and over again on a weekly basis, happy people process their emotional and psychological pain and move on. They have learned that "the more you stir it, the more it stinks". Often the constant talking about what we have experienced in our lives reinforces the memories and the pain of the event/events. Sometimes it's best to talk about what happened, feel the pain and then focus on how to move on.

2. They Lower Their Expectations When It Comes to Others

Happy people do not get all upset when others fail to show up on time, forget things or do not follow through with their intentions.They realize that we are all human and if others actually do follow through with their commitments then that is a bonus.They look for the good qualities in others and are quick to realize that everyone is under stress and has their personal challenges they are dealing with which makes keeping promises sometimes difficult for some to do.

3. They Do Not Complain About Their Problems

Whatever we talk about we multiply in our lives. Positive people refuse to go on and on about what medications they are taking, their aches and pains and all the things that have "gone wrong" in their lives. Positive people actually reframe and relabel their challenges and try to look at them in a humorous light. They are quick to compliment others, tell them their strengths and quickly shift the focus of the conversation away from things related to their aches and pains and difficulties.One way to begin doing this is shift the conversation and keep asking others how they are doing instead of focusing on your challenges.

4. Happy People Have A Clear Purpose In Life

I have submitted an article on the net on "How To Discover Your Purpose In Life" if you have not discovered yours yet. Positive people have a sense of identity and are living in harmony with their purpose in life. When we do not know what our purpose in life is we often feel frustrated and angry eventually leading us into depression. We often balme everyone and everything for the way we feel as we drag ourselves through another day like a slow moving car with a driver unable to see in the midst of a snow storm not knowing the direction they are headed. Vibrant people know their purpose in life and take one small step each day to work toward living it out and becoming the person they have set out to be.

5. Happy People Quit Depending On Others "To Make Them Happy"

Once we depend on others to make us happy we place ourselves in the vulnerable position of leaving our emotional state under the control of another. Eventually the one we depend on to "make us happy" will let us down or through the course of time the "law of familiarity" kicks in and we often look for someone else like the bee moving from flower to flower.

6. Happy People Have A Selective Memory

Unhappy people take many personal tours through their personal "Hall of Shame". Positive people often walk through their own personal "Hall of Fame" and review the powerful and positive moments in their lives. I recall being in the home of a multi-millionaire who had a room specifically designed with pictures, large size news articles about him and memorabilia mounted on the wall. He even had the baseball glove when he was a child when he caught the ball leading his team to victory catching a pop fly. It was his special "Hall of Fame" he visited when he felt depressed or unsure of his abilities during tough times. His collection served him as "anchors" that triggered good memories and positive states.

Now, I don't have such a room. However, each morning I am greeted by a plastic cut out of "Tigger" from Winnie The Pooh. When I look at it as I wake up it reminds me to live my life like "Tigger" today, to adopt his philosophy of life to some degree. It serves as an "anchor".

7. Happy People Let Go of the Little Things

Apparently in some cultures they catch monkeys by placing a banana in a cage. the monkey crawls in, grabs the banana and pulls on it to take it. As he pulls on it it forces the door to cage shut trapping him inside.

Freedom awaits the monkey if only he would let go of the banana, since this would release the mechanism closing the door of the cage. Trappers know that no matter how desperate the monkey is wanting to be free, they will not let go of the banana and thus remain trapped inside the cage. Positive people choose to let go of the bananas in their lives. They let go of the petty offenses, critical remarks from others and let go of things from past thus releasing others to their highest good and at the same time setting themselves free.

8. Happy People Know How to Create "Happenings"

Positive people do not wait for happiness to find them, they know what they have to do in order to create moments of happiness in their life. First, they have taken the time to figure what it is that makes them happy. Secondly, the make definite plans to create more of those experiences. Thirdly, they keep a journal and jot down new experiences that make them feel happy so they can work toward replicating them in the future. They have a recipe book of strategies they use to create their own moments of happiness. I have a recipe, a ritual, a set strategy and system I use each time before I speak before a group of people as I anticipte raising the positive energy level in the room. It works despite what is happening inmy life at time or despite how I feel. Happy people know how to set themselves up to win in terms of creating life experiences that will result in happiness in their mind.

Happiness is not something that is "Out There" that we need to search for or wait until it mysteriously arrives.Happiness can be experienced by slowly building these principles into our lives on a daily basis and moving away from our unresourceful beliefs and adopting new one's that empower us.

Norman has over a decade of experience as a professional psychotherapist in the field of psychiatry. He holds a Master's degree and two earned Doctorate degrees in the field of counseling and is a Master NLP Practitioner. He is also a member of The Ontario Association of Consultants, Counselors, Psychometrists and Psychotherapists. He is the author of the audio book "The Success Formula" and his work has been featured in the media and journals. Currently, he is completing a book entitled "Breaking Point" Transforming the Life you Have into the Life You Want that will be published and released in September 2007.

The most frequent comment organizations and meeting planners see on the speaker evaluation forms filled out by members of the audience is "When can we have Norman back to speak to us again?"

http://www.normanbarlow.com

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Top 10 Secrets For Being Happy

One of my favorite songs is Bobby McFerrin’s refrain, "Don’t Worry, Be Happy". I recently had the opportunity to observe people’s reactions when a highway was closed because of an accident ahead. As we waited, I watched as some listened to radios, a few began tossing a Frisbee, other’s seemed to be working or reading, and some opted for a quick nap.
But, there were also a handful who were clearly agitated and angry. Pacing about, swearing, and upset, they decided that the best response to this event, which none of us could control, was to be very unhappy. I was reminded of Abraham Lincoln’s comment that, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

The following are my Top 10 Tips to increase happiness in your life:

1. Decide to be a happy person. As Lincoln observed, most people, most of the time, can choose how stressed or happy, how troubled or relaxed they want to be. Choose to be happy.

2. Watch and Read less news. As a recovering news addict, I know this can be difficult because the stock market fluctuates, politicians politic, and sports teams compete. But, most of the time, you don’t need the stress. So, just don’t watch. I think it was Henry Thoreau who noted that if you’ve ever read about a train wreck, you understand the principle and don’t need to know any more about it.

3. Practice the Attitude of Gratitude. We all have so much to be grateful for. Just thanking the many people who assist us, encourage us, teach us and open doors for us could take all day!

4. Take Time. My dog has taught me much about loyalty, about noticing the sights, sounds, and smells in the yard, about being relaxed and about play. Eat when you’re hungry, nap when you need it. Get your ears scratched whenever possible!

5. Laugh everyday. Hear a joke, tell a joke, laugh at yourself, laugh with your friends and family and co-workers. There are very few medicines as powerful as laughter, and I don’t think you can over-dose, although it is addicting!

6. Love well. Express your affection, appreciation, friendship and warmth to those around you, and they will almost always respond in the most amazing ways! Be generous…it pays great dividends!

7. Work hard. This one comes as a bit of a surprise, but there is tremendous satisfaction in being competent, and joy in completing our assigned tasks. One of the great sources of happiness is to do work that is worthy of you, and to do it well.

8. Learn something new, everyday. To be happy, most of us must also be growing, expanding, learning and challenging ourselves. Read, listen, adapt and stretch to accommodate new ideas and new information.

9. Use your body as it was designed. Walk and run, stretch, throw things, and lift things. Dance! Exercise is good, but so is making love, mixing up a batch of cookies, or exchanging backrubs. You have a body and it can be either a source of joy, or a source of aches and pains. Your choice.

10: Avoid toxins. I prefer writing positives (things to do) rather than negatives (things to fear), but reality says there are negative people and there are bad chemicals, stressful noises, and unsafe places. Don’t go there! Avoid poisons whenever possible. It seems to work out better that way.

© Copyright 2003 by Philip E. Humbert. All Rights Reserved. This article may be copied and used in your own newsletter or on your website as long as you include the following information: "Written by Dr. Philip E. Humbert, writer, speaker and success coach. Dr. Humbert has over 300 free articles, tools and resources for your success, including a great newsletter! It's all on his website at: http://www.philiphumbert.com
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Being happy seems to elude some people - we've all got at least one family member who always seems to be grousing about one thing or another. As soon as I saw the title of this article I knew I had to say my peace.

There is simply no way for another person to "make" you happy. We've all noticed that there is usually someone around us that we are all amazed that they have a positive slant on everything. Not the "Mary Sunshine" sickeningly sweet kind of outlook, but a genuinely positive way of looking at whatever situation is thrown in their path. These people usually make us sit up and take a few notes as to how we should try and survive our days.

A friend of mine has been going through what most people would consider a horrendous patch of bad luck: turned 50, lost her job, broke her foot and found out she had breast cancer, oh and her 83-year old father had to have a pace-maker and she's the only one who watches over him. Her sister seems to always be "missing-in-action". Yet when talking to her, she's always upbeat and asking how you are doing!

On the flip side of the proverbial coin, there's always the person who everyone sees coming and we all try to dodge before they bring down our time on earth. In our clan, it's a particular member who truly doesn't have a clue that they have alienated just about anyone who has either blood or marital ties to her. She's the kind who tells her pregnant grand-daughter that she not only needs to watch what she eats so "she doesn't get any fatter" now, but that she needs to really start losing weight. Then adds that her husband has put on a lot "more" weight as well. After this insult and knowing the couple had been out of work for almost four months and were barely hanging on financially, proceeded to complain about how much they spent on her birthday card and questioned why she never received her present!

I certainly try to stay on the positive side of whatever adversity is thrown at me. Four months ago when I had a slight "mishap" and broke my foot, I could have slid into a "poor me" state. I had to use a walker/wheelchair for six weeks and have been in a full "boot" ever since. Instead of being a "downer" to my husband (who had to become Mr. Mom and my personal chauffeur), I chose to have a bright pink cast and laugh at the entire event. I sat at my kitchen chair and helped prepare whatever part of every meal I could from a sitting position. When my boss at the "day job" heard, she wanted to know if I'd like to take time off. I said "what good would I be at home, at least here I can be of use!".

Happiness is not a present that can be wrapped in a box with a pretty bow and handed to you. You can't get in on sale at the mall or discounted with a coupon with free shipping and handling off amazon.com. If you want to be happy-you must plant a seed deep down within your soul and nourish it so that it grows into a smile.

Carine Nadel decided that writing is one of her "seeds" of happiness and loves to watch her articles and thoughts grow. To read more of her work, log onto: http://www.Carine-whatscooking.blogspot.com or http://www.fabulously40.com

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A Better Life In 7 Easy Steps

So we've covered a fair bit of the motivational and head stuff recently. Now I reckon it's time to stop talking and start doing.

We've discussed how and why we think, feel, react, process and behave the way we do.We've looked at creating change from an emotional, psychological and spiritual perspective, now we need to roll up our sleeves and move from the theoretical to the practical.

Here's my 7-Step Positive Change Model:

Step 1. Identify what's held you back in the past and do something about it. If you don't address the things which have limited you in the past, all the planning, dreaming and hoping will amount to nothing. Be honest, be realistic and don't be precious. Typically, things like laziness, procrastination, fear, dis-organisation, ignorance, pride, lack of planning and research, and poor preparation stop people from succeeding.

Remember:If nothing changes, nothing changes. And..... If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.

Step 2. Make real decisions. You know the ones.

Not the fluffy, which-socks-will-I-wear-today decisions... but those massive, I'm-gonna-change-my-life decisions.

Step 3. Set specific goals around those decisions. Might be behavioral goals: I will walk to work three days per week. Every week. Health goals: I will lose 10kgs (22lbs) over the next ten weeks. Career or financial goals: I will open my own business within 18 months. Lifestyle goals: I will take a minimum of four weeks holiday annually. Fitness/sporting goals: I will complete a half marathon within six months. Personal development goals: I will read Craig's site every day for an hour!

Specific, measurable and time-based goals work best. They keep us accountable and pro-active.

Vague goals suck. I wan't to feel better - crap goal (vague, wishy-washy) I want to lower my blood pressure to 120/75 and lose 10% body-fat - good goal (specific, measurable).

Step 4. Create a plan. You know where you want to go, now you need to figure out how you'll get there. You won't accidentally succeed.

Passion, commitment, determination and positive attitude are important, but if you don't have a map, you'll never arrive at your preferred destination. Planning, preparation, research, time-management; all crucial and necessary success ingredients.

Many people fail simply because they are dis-organised and haven't planned appropriately.

Passion will only get you so far. We need to attach that passion to an intelligent plan.

Step 5. Take action and keep taking action Doers succeed.

Do something (big or small) today which will get you closer to where you want to be.
Make a phone call.
Buy some runners.
Make an appointment.
Go for a jog.
Clean out your pantry.
Fix a broken relationship (you know the one).
Start reading food labels.
Enrol in a course.
Buy a diary.
Get uncomfortable.
Do it again tomorrow.


Step 6. Improvise, adapt, overcome, deal with set-backs Often the most successful person is simply the one who deals most effectively with hurdles, obstacles and challenges.

Two people go through the same experience:

One says: "I gave it a shot and I failed." The other says: "Okay, so that didn't work, I think I'll try it this way."

One calls a particular experience 'failure', the other calls it 'a lesson'.

Perspective. Can make or break us.

Easy to talk yourself into failure.

Step 7. Finish what you start The number one reason we don't achieve what we set out to is... we don't finish what we start.

We are a nation of people who are constantly starting and stopping things.

Consistency is the key.

Why don't most people who join gyms achieve their goals? They don't go.

They start but they don't finish.

Even when the motivation wears off (and it will) do it anyway. Even when it ain't fun (and it won't be sometimes) do it anyway. When most throw in the towel, stay committed.

If you want to be like everybody else, then do what they do.

If you want be exceptional, then do exceptional things.

Craig Harper is a motivational speaker, qualified exercise scientist, author, radio presenter, television personality and owner of one of the largest personal training centres in the world.

He can be heard weekly on SEN 1116 and GOLD FM radio stations and appears on Monday's on Network Ten's 9AM.

Motivational Speaker- Craig Harper

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Self Confidence Through Body Language

When building self confidence, many people focus solely on the mental attitude and completely forget about the physical. Confidence of any sort is a combination of mental and physical processes.

If you want to have more self-confidence then it is important that you understand how your physiology affects your confidence levels and how to use your physiology to become more confident.

The word emotion comes from the Latin word emovere which means moving and displacing. Even in English it is motion with an E in front of it. Basically this tells you that how you move your body determines how you feel.

Try it right now. Sit or stand with your head slumped forwards looking down, your spin curved, your shoulder slumped inwards and see how you feel.

Do you feel full of self confidence?

Probably not because this is how a depressed person holds their body.

Try this ... sit (or stand) with your back straight, your shoulders back, your stomach in, your chest out, your head upright looking forwards and tell me how you feel.

I would imagine that standing like this you feel more confident. Think for a moment about confident people – Superman, Wonder Woman, Oprah, Arnold Schwarzenegger – and look at how they stand and sit. Their physiology is exactly that which I’ve just described to you. Why? Because it makes them feel more confident.

If you don’t have a lot of confidence then standing or sitting like this will feel strange simply because you are not used to it. If you practice this enough it will become second nature and you will find yourself with a confident physiology without having to think about it.

Initially, you are going to have to think about it and remember to consciously hold this self confident physiology. I’d recommend you study some confident role models. It doesn’t matter if they are fictional characters from TV or movies or really people, so long as they are confident. Just watch James Bond walk and you will see how he is confident. Does he let his shoulders slump forwards and look depressed? No.

Copy their physiology and practice standing in that way. You may be a bit shy at first so do it at home to get the hang of it. Once you are used to it, then you can take it outside to public places. Notice how differently you feel when you use this self confident physiology. Notice also how differently people react to you.

Whilst self confidence is a mental process, it does come from your physiology. The more you use a confident physiology, the more confident you will become longer term. It won’t be long before you find yourself using the confident physiology without even thinking about it.

Jason E. Johns is a personal success coach specializing in helping you build self confidence and raise your self esteem through an innovative and compassionate approach. Discover how you can have more self confidence at his self confidence website, http://www.UnlimitedConfidence.com
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10 Tips to Improve Your Self Esteem

By Peter Dobler

Striving to improve our self esteem is on everybody’s mind. It doesn’t matter if you actively pursue this goal or you subconsciously working on improving your self esteem.

The problem with this is that you really don’t know exactly what you want to improve. You’re acting intuitively on external signals.

Do you know how to improve your self esteem? Probably not. To make it a little bit easier for you and to achieve your goals quicker I put together 10 tips that you can utilize right away.

1. Build up your self-esteem. You must take an inventory. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others? Try to make only one change at a time. Always check you progress before making another change.

2. Celebrate your journey, not your destination. Learn to always feel good about where you are now, and to exude self-confidence about anywhere you might find yourself tomorrow.

3. Set clear goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly. Apply this regularly and you will notice a difference.

4. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you. Proactive people tent to be more successful in their career.

5. Treat each person you meet as if she or he is truly important. (You'll be amazed how this works.)

6. Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.

7. Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person's name. If in doubt simply ask for the name again 2 or 3 sentences into the conversation.

8. Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name. Apply all you listening skills to visibly respond. The body language is the most important part of a conversation. Practice, practice, practice…

9. Pay more attention to the other person than to yourself. Are you responding to what may be going on in his or her life? Don't filter out bad news. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Be caring.

10. Stay "in the moment." Don't mentally cut off the other person. Don't reload while he or she is speaking. What this means is that you need to focus on the other person 100% during a conversation. Anything less is considered rude.

Next time you meet somebody new look out for these behaviors. Put a mental checkmark on the each of the 10 tips and see how well this person scored. Chances are that the person scored very high if you tent to like her/him. On the contraire the person probably scored low if you don’t seem to connect.

The more you practice the more likely you will create a positive aura which is commonly known as charisma. To step up to become a charismatic personality it takes more than just these 10 tips.

Creating a positive aura will benefit you in every thing you do. You will create a warmer ambience with your family. You will be more successful in your career. Even while trying to meet a partner of the opposite sex you will notice a difference on how people perceive you.

Unfortunately a small article can’t do justice on the wide spectrum of creating a positive aura and developing a charismatic personality. You will get the complete picture and step by step explanations in Race Kale’s new book “The Power of Charisma”.

Peter Dobler is an active real estate investor and a successful home business entrepreneur. Learn how to become a charismatic personality in this new book. http://www.powerofcharismabook.com/
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Being an Optimist.....part 1

Being an Optimist - Part 1 by Dr Leo Kady

OK, so maybe you hate optimists. You have this picture in your mind of someone mindlessly watching Pollyanna on the late show until three o'clock in the morning, then rising at 5:0o A.M. and singing "Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah" in the shower until the entire household is awake, causing a bad start to an otherwise perfectly OK day.
A far more discerning look at optimists shows that they are life's big winners. They are richer, more successful, healthier, do better in school, and have both better relationships and marriages. Linda S. Wilson, President Emerita of Radcliffe, says: "I'm an optimist.

Optimism is the expectation that we can make things better. For example, in the face of pending illness, assume that it has the probability of coming out OK. It's important not to have a defeatist attitude." What's different about optimists is that they are tough-minded and creative when faced with adversity.
Optimism is high mental energy. Fran Shea, President of E! Entertainment, says: "I think optimism is something you have to put effort into. I'm optimistic by nature, but society is so sped up, and that contributes to the overwhelm mode. Not having time to prioritize works against optimism."

CONVENTIONAL WISDOM: Optimists can't handle reality.
THE REALITY OF SUCCESS: Optimists are the most skillful manipulators of reality.

The Reality of Optimism

Individuals who are more optimistic report themselves to be more alert, more proud, more enthusiastic, active, and engaged. These individuals are less likely to get depressed. Dr. Richard J. Davidson, Professor of Psychology and Psychiatry at tile University o1' Wisconsin-Madium, has studied the biology of optimism and found optimists have higher levels of natural killer-cell activity with a smaller decline under stress, so they are more capable of fighting disease.

Optimists also have lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol. All these observations add up to solid biological advantages that may help explain why optimists are generally so much more successful than pessimists.

Creating the Reality of Optimism

Much of what follows in this section is born of conversations with Professor Martin Seligman, Ph.D., author of the acclaimed bestseller Learned Optimism and the world's leading authority on optimism, helplessness, and explanatory styles.

Overcoming helplessness

The number one stumbling block to reaching success for most people is that they do not genuinely believe that they can succeed. They have learned, over time, how to become helpless. This condition, which Dr. Seligman calls "learned helplessness," is at the very heart of pessimism. We invent a million different excuses as to why we can't do something - and you know what ... as a result we can't.

The sad truth is that we are creating our own flawed destiny through pessimism. Dr. Seligman says pessimism is a self-fulfilling prophecy: "Twenty-five years of study have convinced me that if we habitually believe that misfortune is our fault, is enduring, and will undermine everything we do, more of it will befall us than if we believe otherwise.... If we are in the grip of this view, we will get depressed easily, we will accomplish less than our potential, and we will even get physically sick more often.

Pessimistic prophecies are self-fulfilling." Pessimists are more passive and less likely to take steps to avoid bad events and less likely to do anything to stop them once they start.

Who are you?

Are you an optimist or a pessimist?

Which category do you fall into?

The typical pessimist believes that when something bad happens, it will last a long time, that the event has undermined everything he's ever done, that it's entirely Ills fault. The pessimist imagines the worst, is prone to depression, and generally feels helpless.

The optimist believes that a bad event is temporary and surmountable, that it's a cause of bad luck or other people. The optimist is unfazed by defeat and feels the bad event is a challenge to overcome. He or she easily regains energy and above all feels in control.

How you explain life's events to yourself determines if you are an optimist or pessimist. For pessimists, those events are explained by Professor Seligman's three "p's" of pessimism.

Permanence

Pessimists give up easily because they believe the situation is permanent. The bad events will continue and always be a part of their lives. An optimist believes the causes of bad events are temporary. Here's an example you may find in your own relationships:

PESSIMIST: "You never talk to me:" OPTIMIST: "You haven't talked to me lately."

When things go wrong, everyone experiences a momentary sense of failure. How quickly you bounce back is reflective of this dimension of permanence.

Pervasiveness

Some people let failure pervade every aspect of their lives. If you lose your job, your role as a wife or a daughter or a volunteer has not diminished one bit. Dr. Seligman says it comes down to this: universal versus specific explanations. "People who make universal explanations for their failures give up on everything when a failure strikes in one area. People who make specific explanations may become helpless in that one part of their lives yet march stalwartly on in the others."

Personalization

Whom do you blame when something goes wrong? Those who internalize blame tend to have low self-esteem, feeling unloved or unworthy, while the opposite is true for those who place the blame outside themselves.

Becoming an optimist

This section will take you, step by step, toward being an optimist. The more optimistic you become, the more your mood will lift.

Becoming an optimist means learning a set of skills that help you to talk to yourself when you confront failure, a setback, or a tragedy. You'll do that by changing the way you explain events to yourself. Technically, Dr. Seligman calls it the ABCDE (Adversity, Belief, Consequence, Disputation, Energization) method. Here's an example of how to fight pessimistic thoughts by changing the way you explain bad events.

Adversity

You've gotten up at the crack of dawn, made the beds, called two new clients, and are about to leave for work when your four-yearold flips his breakfast onto the
floor. You totally lose it and scream at the little tyke, who gives you a look of bewilderment.

Belief

"I'm a lousy mother. I just can't do it all. I'm providing a miserable example of how to behave and can't even be nice to my own children. My children will grow up to be hostile people who deal with the world through the prism of anger and frustration. They'll never amount to much of anything:"

CONSEQUENCE "I'm depressed."

Disputation

A good way to dispute any charge is to imagine that your worst enemy said that to you. You wouldn't believe that you were a lousy mother and would argue the point SO, ARGUE! Like a lawyer launching an attack on a hostile witness, prepare the following arguments to counter your pessimistic thought.

- Make your belief factually incorrect with evidence. Look at all the evidence showing you that in fact you're not a lousy mother - you take good care of your children, get them to school on time, read to them ... you just had a bad moment.

- Decatastrophise the implications of the situation. OK, You yelled. Just how bad is that? Does that mean your child won't graduate from Harvard or will become an ax murderer? Yelling once is just not a catastrophe.

- Search for alternative explanations for your behavior. Focus on the causes that are changeable, specific, and nonpersonal. For instance, you were up all night with a new baby and just felt a little cranky. That's a long way from being a bad mother.

- Look at the usefulness of your belief. How useful or productive is it for you to think you're a lousy mother? Does that really help you be a better mother? Often, it's simply better to get on with what you have to do, to distract yourself, than to dwell on destructive beliefs.

We will continue the road on, Being an Optimist, next when we look at Energization and Immunization.

Dr Leo Kady.



Dr Leo Kady is a retired physician and researcher and relishes information in a variety of fields. Dr Kady is an editor for uPublish.info ... http://www.upublish.info . Please feel free to peruse more free psychological articles at uPublish.info

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Now this guy should be looking at ways to change his life!!



Reap Your Own Happiness by Deanna Mascle

One of my favorite expressions is that "you reap what you sow". While I often hear it used negatively by someone who expects some "chickens to come home to roost" I prefer to think of it as something positive. How comforting to think that all our hard work and toil will be rewarded with a crop of something good? How wonderful to think that putting love and care into some project or person will indeed be rewarded.

Of course, while most Americans give lip service to the notion of our right to pursue happiness, all too many people do not really believe it applies to them. Many people simply believe they don't deserve happiness. And even those few who do believe it seem to accept unhappiness as simple bad luck.

Every person does indeed deserve happiness and what is more happiness is contagious. The more happy people there are around then even more people will find happiness. We owe it ourselves to work on our own happiness and we owe it to society as well. Our own happiness will help others and inspire others to find happiness. If we are unhappy then we are likely making others unhappy as well (even if unintentionally) and it is extremely unlikely we are doing much to contribute to the happiness of others.

So how do you become a happy person? You simply reap your own happiness. But how? Take these four simple steps:

Step one -- Ready Yourself For Happiness

You can accomplish this step by first determining that you want to be happy. Part of being happy is wanting to be happy. Once you have committed yourself to the course of finding happiness for yourself then you must rid yourself of the notion that happiness is luck or based on possessions or persons. No thing and no one can make you happy. Happiness comes from within yourself.

Step two -- Envision Yourself As Happy

Every day when you first wake up and at various points during the day spend some time envisioning yourself as a happy person. Picture yourself laughing, smiling, relaxing. Imagine yourself as happy. The more you can fix this image of yourself as happy in your mind then the easier it will be for you to truly become happy.

Step three -- Assume You Will Be Happy

Many people tend to assume that they will spend much of their lives either unhappy or at least not really happy. However we have all seen those people who do seem to be genuinely happy with their lives. They smile frequently, laugh often, and seem to be in good humor most of the time. Yet this is not because they are richer or more successful. Sometimes these people were just born with the good fortune to have an optimistic outlook that life has not yet knocked out of them, but often these people have simply chosen that they will be happy and they recognize that there is always something about their lives that makes them happy. You know this is true of yourself as well. Concentrate on the areas of your life that give you happiness whenever you feel unhappiness seeping in and no matter what assume that you will be, you can be, a happy person.

Step four -- Pursue Your Happiness

Happiness is rarely a wonderful accident of fate. Happiness is rarely found by accident. While you may find happiness in unexpected places you must first open yourself to the possibility of happiness and prepare yourself to accept it when you find it. Some people are so miserable that they step right around happiness when they encounter. Don't let this happen to you. What is more, don't simply sit at home waiting for happiness to come knocking on your door. Go out and live life. Think about what currently makes you happy and spend time in those activities and think about what might make you happy and spend time experimenting. The more time you spend actively living your life then the more likely that you will also lead a happy life.

Remember, you deserve a happy life and you can lead a happy life, but in the end you reap what you sow. If you are sowing happiness in your life then you will reap happiness as well.



Deanna Mascle shares more inspirational writings in her blog Words Of Inspiration at http://WordsOfInspirationOnline.info

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Optimism--It's more FUN!

I’m sure you’ve heard…
An optimist sees the glass as half full A pessimist sees the glass as half empty

And I will add…

A realist sees that the 8-ounce glass has 4 ounces in it.

So we all have the choice of which of these three we are going to be.

And I’m going to start off with the choice to be an Optimist. My theory is that Optimists have more fun.

1. It’s infinitely more fun to laugh than it is to cry.

2. It’s infinitely more fun to see the best in people, places and things than to look for and even worse, find the worst in people, places and things.

3. It’s infinitely more fun to talk health, happiness and prosperity than to talk about sickness, misery and poverty.


When you think only of the best and expect only the best that is usually what you get—The best.
The choice to be pessimistic about life is just that—a choice. Does it serve you to live your life as a pessimist?
Now the Realist’s think they are the ones who are right. They don’t see the worst but they don’t have the rose colored glasses on either.
After all they only look at what is really happening, right?

But are we just victims of random life happenings or do we control our destiny? Do we create our own reality? It’s much more empowering to think so.


If we create our own reality, does looking at life as a “realist” hold us back? Isn’t reality a changing concept? What is reality today may look very different tomorrow and the next day. If we are the ones who control our own destiny, looking at life as a “realist” can limit our own thinking as to what can change. Life can change in an instant. And it can change for the better if you are looking for possibilities, so why be a realist if you are in control of your own destiny? Reality is just your perception.

So call me the crazy Pollyanna with the Rose-colored glasses hanging out in La-La land, it doesn’t matter to me because my life is Fun!

You can find As A Man Thinketh and other amazing books at Karen Lynch's inspiring website LivethePower
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