Tips To Help With Self Esteem

Your self-esteem is how you feel and think about yourself. Self-esteem is mostly developed during our childhood and affected by how we were treated during our successes and failures.

When we suffer from low self-esteem it affects our lives in many ways: we can develop anxiety issues, problems in friendships and relationships, damage our job performance and can lead to serious underachievement because we lack the inner strength to believe in ourselves.

One of the most important ways we can help ourselves to improve our self-esteem is to dispute any and all of our negative thoughts. This can be done either on a per situation basis or, simply when anything negative enters our mind. When you recognize that you're thinking negatively, immediately change the course of the thought to a more positive direction.

For instance, let's say you haven't done as well on some project you've been working on. You find yourself going over it and saying things in the realm of: 'What an idiot, how did I miss that?' or 'Why do I even bother?' or 'Stupid, I must be one of the most stupid people I know for messing that up?" Those are just a few of the thoughts that could be running through your mind at a time like this, but I think you can get a picture.

As soon as you recognize that a thought is self-punishing or negative, stop. Just stop. After you've stopped the thought, now think about the thought itself and what is the opposite of it. Look for the good things that came out of the experience: 'What did I learn?', or 'I'm getting better.' or 'I'm proud of myself for how hard I worked.'

It's okay to analyze how you could have done better on something or in some aspect; however, beating yourself up will only serve to have the same result or no result happen over and over again.

Perhaps the most difficult part is recognizing the negative thought and then reinforcing ourselves with a positive. With time and practice this becomes easier and eventually will become part of our second nature. Just don't give up, keep working at it until it becomes old hat and you'll surely see improvements in your life.

Another way we can go about improving our self-esteem is to ask the help of friends and loved ones. Ask them to tell you how they feel about you or ask them how they think you'll do on a particular project or in a particular subject. In fact, whatever you are feeling negative about, ask them about it.

You'll be surprised how positively people think about you and your abilities.
In addition to that, let your friends and family know how you feel about them as well. Since we're working on building our own self-esteem, we might as well help those we care about too.

And, a final and an extremely important way we can help our self-esteem, ask for and give plenty of hugs. There is something extremely empowering about a good hug.
Now, get out there and get busy creating a better more Happy Self.

About the Author
Matt is the operator of the website: A Happy Self http://www.ahappyself.com/

8 Keys to Discovering happiness In Your Life

Christmas is here and yet another year has almost slipped by.
Has it been a good one for you?

Have you achieved any personal goals?

Did you really stick to those new year resolutions?

Are you content and truly happy about yourself and how your year went?

Did you take action to resolve any problem issues?

Thinking back, could you have avoided any stress related situations?

The list of questions is endless and the answers will vary along with our personal differences. One thing though is certain, happiness is a way of life not just an occasional fleeting moment in time!

Below is an excellent article offering 8 keys to dicovering happiness in your life.





In working with thousands of people over the past twenty years as a psychotherapist and NLP Practitioner, I have noticed that there are certain key qualities that exist in the lives of those who are "happy" and who seem "vibrant" about life. These qualities are;

1. They Refuse to Live Up to the Label of being a Victim

Happy people have experienced being used, hurt, mistreated or abused. However, instead of attending little self help groups with others who have had similar experiences and reviewing the pain of over and over again on a weekly basis, happy people process their emotional and psychological pain and move on. They have learned that "the more you stir it, the more it stinks". Often the constant talking about what we have experienced in our lives reinforces the memories and the pain of the event/events. Sometimes it's best to talk about what happened, feel the pain and then focus on how to move on.

2. They Lower Their Expectations When It Comes to Others

Happy people do not get all upset when others fail to show up on time, forget things or do not follow through with their intentions.They realize that we are all human and if others actually do follow through with their commitments then that is a bonus.They look for the good qualities in others and are quick to realize that everyone is under stress and has their personal challenges they are dealing with which makes keeping promises sometimes difficult for some to do.

3. They Do Not Complain About Their Problems

Whatever we talk about we multiply in our lives. Positive people refuse to go on and on about what medications they are taking, their aches and pains and all the things that have "gone wrong" in their lives. Positive people actually reframe and relabel their challenges and try to look at them in a humorous light. They are quick to compliment others, tell them their strengths and quickly shift the focus of the conversation away from things related to their aches and pains and difficulties.One way to begin doing this is shift the conversation and keep asking others how they are doing instead of focusing on your challenges.

4. Happy People Have A Clear Purpose In Life

I have submitted an article on the net on "How To Discover Your Purpose In Life" if you have not discovered yours yet. Positive people have a sense of identity and are living in harmony with their purpose in life. When we do not know what our purpose in life is we often feel frustrated and angry eventually leading us into depression. We often balme everyone and everything for the way we feel as we drag ourselves through another day like a slow moving car with a driver unable to see in the midst of a snow storm not knowing the direction they are headed. Vibrant people know their purpose in life and take one small step each day to work toward living it out and becoming the person they have set out to be.

5. Happy People Quit Depending On Others "To Make Them Happy"

Once we depend on others to make us happy we place ourselves in the vulnerable position of leaving our emotional state under the control of another. Eventually the one we depend on to "make us happy" will let us down or through the course of time the "law of familiarity" kicks in and we often look for someone else like the bee moving from flower to flower.

6. Happy People Have A Selective Memory

Unhappy people take many personal tours through their personal "Hall of Shame". Positive people often walk through their own personal "Hall of Fame" and review the powerful and positive moments in their lives. I recall being in the home of a multi-millionaire who had a room specifically designed with pictures, large size news articles about him and memorabilia mounted on the wall. He even had the baseball glove when he was a child when he caught the ball leading his team to victory catching a pop fly. It was his special "Hall of Fame" he visited when he felt depressed or unsure of his abilities during tough times. His collection served him as "anchors" that triggered good memories and positive states.

Now, I don't have such a room. However, each morning I am greeted by a plastic cut out of "Tigger" from Winnie The Pooh. When I look at it as I wake up it reminds me to live my life like "Tigger" today, to adopt his philosophy of life to some degree. It serves as an "anchor".

7. Happy People Let Go of the Little Things

Apparently in some cultures they catch monkeys by placing a banana in a cage. the monkey crawls in, grabs the banana and pulls on it to take it. As he pulls on it it forces the door to cage shut trapping him inside.

Freedom awaits the monkey if only he would let go of the banana, since this would release the mechanism closing the door of the cage. Trappers know that no matter how desperate the monkey is wanting to be free, they will not let go of the banana and thus remain trapped inside the cage. Positive people choose to let go of the bananas in their lives. They let go of the petty offenses, critical remarks from others and let go of things from past thus releasing others to their highest good and at the same time setting themselves free.

8. Happy People Know How to Create "Happenings"

Positive people do not wait for happiness to find them, they know what they have to do in order to create moments of happiness in their life. First, they have taken the time to figure what it is that makes them happy. Secondly, the make definite plans to create more of those experiences. Thirdly, they keep a journal and jot down new experiences that make them feel happy so they can work toward replicating them in the future. They have a recipe book of strategies they use to create their own moments of happiness. I have a recipe, a ritual, a set strategy and system I use each time before I speak before a group of people as I anticipte raising the positive energy level in the room. It works despite what is happening inmy life at time or despite how I feel. Happy people know how to set themselves up to win in terms of creating life experiences that will result in happiness in their mind.

Happiness is not something that is "Out There" that we need to search for or wait until it mysteriously arrives.Happiness can be experienced by slowly building these principles into our lives on a daily basis and moving away from our unresourceful beliefs and adopting new one's that empower us.

Norman has over a decade of experience as a professional psychotherapist in the field of psychiatry. He holds a Master's degree and two earned Doctorate degrees in the field of counseling and is a Master NLP Practitioner. He is also a member of The Ontario Association of Consultants, Counselors, Psychometrists and Psychotherapists. He is the author of the audio book "The Success Formula" and his work has been featured in the media and journals. Currently, he is completing a book entitled "Breaking Point" Transforming the Life you Have into the Life You Want that will be published and released in September 2007.

The most frequent comment organizations and meeting planners see on the speaker evaluation forms filled out by members of the audience is "When can we have Norman back to speak to us again?"

http://www.normanbarlow.com

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Top 10 Secrets For Being Happy

One of my favorite songs is Bobby McFerrin’s refrain, "Don’t Worry, Be Happy". I recently had the opportunity to observe people’s reactions when a highway was closed because of an accident ahead. As we waited, I watched as some listened to radios, a few began tossing a Frisbee, other’s seemed to be working or reading, and some opted for a quick nap.
But, there were also a handful who were clearly agitated and angry. Pacing about, swearing, and upset, they decided that the best response to this event, which none of us could control, was to be very unhappy. I was reminded of Abraham Lincoln’s comment that, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

The following are my Top 10 Tips to increase happiness in your life:

1. Decide to be a happy person. As Lincoln observed, most people, most of the time, can choose how stressed or happy, how troubled or relaxed they want to be. Choose to be happy.

2. Watch and Read less news. As a recovering news addict, I know this can be difficult because the stock market fluctuates, politicians politic, and sports teams compete. But, most of the time, you don’t need the stress. So, just don’t watch. I think it was Henry Thoreau who noted that if you’ve ever read about a train wreck, you understand the principle and don’t need to know any more about it.

3. Practice the Attitude of Gratitude. We all have so much to be grateful for. Just thanking the many people who assist us, encourage us, teach us and open doors for us could take all day!

4. Take Time. My dog has taught me much about loyalty, about noticing the sights, sounds, and smells in the yard, about being relaxed and about play. Eat when you’re hungry, nap when you need it. Get your ears scratched whenever possible!

5. Laugh everyday. Hear a joke, tell a joke, laugh at yourself, laugh with your friends and family and co-workers. There are very few medicines as powerful as laughter, and I don’t think you can over-dose, although it is addicting!

6. Love well. Express your affection, appreciation, friendship and warmth to those around you, and they will almost always respond in the most amazing ways! Be generous…it pays great dividends!

7. Work hard. This one comes as a bit of a surprise, but there is tremendous satisfaction in being competent, and joy in completing our assigned tasks. One of the great sources of happiness is to do work that is worthy of you, and to do it well.

8. Learn something new, everyday. To be happy, most of us must also be growing, expanding, learning and challenging ourselves. Read, listen, adapt and stretch to accommodate new ideas and new information.

9. Use your body as it was designed. Walk and run, stretch, throw things, and lift things. Dance! Exercise is good, but so is making love, mixing up a batch of cookies, or exchanging backrubs. You have a body and it can be either a source of joy, or a source of aches and pains. Your choice.

10: Avoid toxins. I prefer writing positives (things to do) rather than negatives (things to fear), but reality says there are negative people and there are bad chemicals, stressful noises, and unsafe places. Don’t go there! Avoid poisons whenever possible. It seems to work out better that way.

© Copyright 2003 by Philip E. Humbert. All Rights Reserved. This article may be copied and used in your own newsletter or on your website as long as you include the following information: "Written by Dr. Philip E. Humbert, writer, speaker and success coach. Dr. Humbert has over 300 free articles, tools and resources for your success, including a great newsletter! It's all on his website at: http://www.philiphumbert.com
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Being happy seems to elude some people - we've all got at least one family member who always seems to be grousing about one thing or another. As soon as I saw the title of this article I knew I had to say my peace.

There is simply no way for another person to "make" you happy. We've all noticed that there is usually someone around us that we are all amazed that they have a positive slant on everything. Not the "Mary Sunshine" sickeningly sweet kind of outlook, but a genuinely positive way of looking at whatever situation is thrown in their path. These people usually make us sit up and take a few notes as to how we should try and survive our days.

A friend of mine has been going through what most people would consider a horrendous patch of bad luck: turned 50, lost her job, broke her foot and found out she had breast cancer, oh and her 83-year old father had to have a pace-maker and she's the only one who watches over him. Her sister seems to always be "missing-in-action". Yet when talking to her, she's always upbeat and asking how you are doing!

On the flip side of the proverbial coin, there's always the person who everyone sees coming and we all try to dodge before they bring down our time on earth. In our clan, it's a particular member who truly doesn't have a clue that they have alienated just about anyone who has either blood or marital ties to her. She's the kind who tells her pregnant grand-daughter that she not only needs to watch what she eats so "she doesn't get any fatter" now, but that she needs to really start losing weight. Then adds that her husband has put on a lot "more" weight as well. After this insult and knowing the couple had been out of work for almost four months and were barely hanging on financially, proceeded to complain about how much they spent on her birthday card and questioned why she never received her present!

I certainly try to stay on the positive side of whatever adversity is thrown at me. Four months ago when I had a slight "mishap" and broke my foot, I could have slid into a "poor me" state. I had to use a walker/wheelchair for six weeks and have been in a full "boot" ever since. Instead of being a "downer" to my husband (who had to become Mr. Mom and my personal chauffeur), I chose to have a bright pink cast and laugh at the entire event. I sat at my kitchen chair and helped prepare whatever part of every meal I could from a sitting position. When my boss at the "day job" heard, she wanted to know if I'd like to take time off. I said "what good would I be at home, at least here I can be of use!".

Happiness is not a present that can be wrapped in a box with a pretty bow and handed to you. You can't get in on sale at the mall or discounted with a coupon with free shipping and handling off amazon.com. If you want to be happy-you must plant a seed deep down within your soul and nourish it so that it grows into a smile.

Carine Nadel decided that writing is one of her "seeds" of happiness and loves to watch her articles and thoughts grow. To read more of her work, log onto: http://www.Carine-whatscooking.blogspot.com or http://www.fabulously40.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Carine_Nadel

Now this guy should be looking at ways to change his life!!



Reap Your Own Happiness by Deanna Mascle

One of my favorite expressions is that "you reap what you sow". While I often hear it used negatively by someone who expects some "chickens to come home to roost" I prefer to think of it as something positive. How comforting to think that all our hard work and toil will be rewarded with a crop of something good? How wonderful to think that putting love and care into some project or person will indeed be rewarded.

Of course, while most Americans give lip service to the notion of our right to pursue happiness, all too many people do not really believe it applies to them. Many people simply believe they don't deserve happiness. And even those few who do believe it seem to accept unhappiness as simple bad luck.

Every person does indeed deserve happiness and what is more happiness is contagious. The more happy people there are around then even more people will find happiness. We owe it ourselves to work on our own happiness and we owe it to society as well. Our own happiness will help others and inspire others to find happiness. If we are unhappy then we are likely making others unhappy as well (even if unintentionally) and it is extremely unlikely we are doing much to contribute to the happiness of others.

So how do you become a happy person? You simply reap your own happiness. But how? Take these four simple steps:

Step one -- Ready Yourself For Happiness

You can accomplish this step by first determining that you want to be happy. Part of being happy is wanting to be happy. Once you have committed yourself to the course of finding happiness for yourself then you must rid yourself of the notion that happiness is luck or based on possessions or persons. No thing and no one can make you happy. Happiness comes from within yourself.

Step two -- Envision Yourself As Happy

Every day when you first wake up and at various points during the day spend some time envisioning yourself as a happy person. Picture yourself laughing, smiling, relaxing. Imagine yourself as happy. The more you can fix this image of yourself as happy in your mind then the easier it will be for you to truly become happy.

Step three -- Assume You Will Be Happy

Many people tend to assume that they will spend much of their lives either unhappy or at least not really happy. However we have all seen those people who do seem to be genuinely happy with their lives. They smile frequently, laugh often, and seem to be in good humor most of the time. Yet this is not because they are richer or more successful. Sometimes these people were just born with the good fortune to have an optimistic outlook that life has not yet knocked out of them, but often these people have simply chosen that they will be happy and they recognize that there is always something about their lives that makes them happy. You know this is true of yourself as well. Concentrate on the areas of your life that give you happiness whenever you feel unhappiness seeping in and no matter what assume that you will be, you can be, a happy person.

Step four -- Pursue Your Happiness

Happiness is rarely a wonderful accident of fate. Happiness is rarely found by accident. While you may find happiness in unexpected places you must first open yourself to the possibility of happiness and prepare yourself to accept it when you find it. Some people are so miserable that they step right around happiness when they encounter. Don't let this happen to you. What is more, don't simply sit at home waiting for happiness to come knocking on your door. Go out and live life. Think about what currently makes you happy and spend time in those activities and think about what might make you happy and spend time experimenting. The more time you spend actively living your life then the more likely that you will also lead a happy life.

Remember, you deserve a happy life and you can lead a happy life, but in the end you reap what you sow. If you are sowing happiness in your life then you will reap happiness as well.



Deanna Mascle shares more inspirational writings in her blog Words Of Inspiration at http://WordsOfInspirationOnline.info

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